I’m 40 now, I have 2 kids, and this birthday letter is 2 months late… so let’s cut to the chase, shall we…?
It was the party of a lifetime.
My big 4-0, a handful of friends and family by my side for a weekend in Bali, many many more sending love via video, every detail curated with affection and good taste by my impossibly beautiful wife.
We laughed, we cried, we danced in the sea.
The theme of the party - and what’s more, of the birthday - was:
No Turning Back.
“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for
it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” - Heraclitus
Maybe life is like a river… flowing, linear, relentless.
Maybe the only constant is change.
Is this an old cliche by now…?
…or am I the one that’s getting old?
“Take kindly the counsel of the years, and
gracefully surrender the things of youth” - Desiderata
Birthdays come and go.
Time marches forward, never backwards. We get older, never younger.
To every thing a season.
You’re born, you live, you die — in that order and in that order only.
… unless …
““We must go forward, not backward... upward, not forward… and
always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.” - Kodos
Maybe life isn’t like a river.
Maybe time doesn’t just flow forward. It could be fluid, but non-linear… rather chaotic, tumbling, churning… a dance amidst the waves.
You are a function of what the whole universe is doing in the same way that
a wave is a function of what the whole ocean is doing.” - Watts
“For both the physicists and the mystics tell us…
the universe is, at its core, nothing more than vibrations.” - Bourkoff
Vibes… light… love… prana… qi… energy… call it what you will.
As complex as we seem — with our busy lives and our egos and attachments — we are at our essence something very common.
“Each individual is an expression of the collective consciousness.” - Tolle
“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” - Rumi
In meditation now I am at times able to dissolve: sensation, attachment, identity, self.
I am able to let go of these forms and return to my essence, to be as pure light.
That is what No Turning Back most means to me: that surrender, that letting go.
For when we release ourselves from our attachments… when we loosen our grip on the baggage we carry, our ambitions and desires and fears… when we surrender our egos, our humanity, our significance, even our being itself …
… well then what is left is simply light — just pure energy without any substance or feature or mass.
And it is only in that form (or formlessness, really) that you can go anywhere… only at that point there is no you and there’s nowhere to go.
So it is more like coming home — it is returning as light to a universal source, and rejoining there all other light, as one.
And that is the great humor, you see: that it is only when we surrender entirely that we can be free; that only by dissolving can we turn back into what we really are, and return to where we’re really from.
No Turning Back is the only way back.
Welcome home.
Back here in the realm of individual identity, life at 40 is terrific.
Our son River Baron was born in May . He is healthy, heavy, happy, handsome, strong, serious, smart.
We named him River as a nod to the old parable of the monk; as well as a tribute to the Pearl River along whose banks he was born.
Meanwhile, “The Good Life with Essence Louise” is well into Season 3 — kindergarten socialite; political strategist; two passports, two languages; loves bunnies, dancing, magic wands, the color pink. Brave, caring, responsible; able to influence, willing to compromise. Delegates effectively, but not afraid to get hands dirty.
In other words, she’s a corporate pro, and a princess, and my little girl.
My wife, my hero, has done it again — after baking and birthing another perfect child, she’s gone and started a neuro-tech company. Her first product is mind-blowing. Watch this space.
Me? I’m healthy.
I just ran a half-marathon for the first time.
I meditate regularly and well.
I’m happy every day, because every day I have my kids and my best friend by my side.
Our lives are still relatively small and inward-looking, at least relative to chapters past and dreams to come. Ditto for business; slower than I’d like, but with exciting projects in the pipeline and visions on the horizon.
To all things a season.
We’re planning to move once again — our fifth time in as many years. The current candidate is Shenzhen but stay tuned as these things — as all things — are in flux.
Know as always that if you are reading this, I love you, and feel privileged to vibe with you, to share a dance in the waves.
No turning back,
Jonathan
Happy birthday, Jonathan!
Interesting to read this piece with your thoughts and beautiful photos of your family! Happy 40th!